The worse it gets, the funnier it is....

"We want you to dig a latrine"
"I'm a technician!"
"Then dig a technically correct latrine..."

(?)

"Yes sir!"

 

An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable price!"

The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the same thing."

So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water. He thought, "those must be the two Marines the guy in town was talking about." Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines.

Just as the gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort. Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back. Laying nearby were several more of the creatures.

One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Damn, this one doesn't have any shoes either!"

 

On cruise - 1986
In the portside smoking area of the USS CARL VINSON
6 weeks out of Hong Kong:

"I mean, I really did join the NAVY to see the world - and we haven't pulled in anywhere...."

"Son?" I said, "Did it never occur to you that the Earth is three quarters WATER???"

(?)

"You're seeing it - trust me..."




* Aircraft carriers - get used to seeing lots of blue

 

1) Never deploy on a carrier without an inflatable wading pool. Steel Beach will happen sooner or later....

2) I have 2 stuffed animals I never left home without, because you can't take a dog with you on a ship!

*One of them has been around the world with me, and is a stuffed ROTTWEILLER I bought at a truck stop. Middle of the night, I dunno if it was a Petro or a TA stop - but I was changing duty stations by POV and couldn't pass up what it meant to me. Damn thing was for sale for nine bucks - so how could I pass on it?

It was discovered on a "HEALTH and WELFARE" (read: "CONTRABAND") inspection of the berthing spaces by a Chief doing the walkthrough while we were at sea, and I just shrugged...

I didn't think I needed to explain it. I had a Rotty once, and I gave her up to go to sea again. What you see in this pic is the one I carried with me around the world...

#ad


I still have that memory on top of a bookshelf in my library

TUFF puppy, but sweet. I have never forgotten "Rosanna Rosanna Danna" (what I named her)

I gave her to another first class and his family in San Diego so I could deploy

But the cloth version still watches over me



Yeah - I'm a dog guy and I collect souvenirs


NO ONE can tell me military people do not have hearts. We all do


But that's still kind of funny - a senior petty officer sleeping with a stuffed animal!





But I believe we all have to remember what it is that we are defending. Isn't that so?
~and that dog had GUTS...

When I look up there on that top shelf, I never want to let her down.

 

#ad
'Nuf said -

 

Why We Will ALWAYS Need Marines . . .

The Department of the Navy is now assigning females to quarters in a separate, private, OFF LIMITS area on all aircraft carriers.

Talking to all personnel at Pearl Harbor, CINCPAC advised, "The female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time."

He continued, " Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will cost you $500. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a well traveled, crusty Marine Gunny, from the security detail assigned to the ship, stood up in the crowd and inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

 

#ad

 

Even the civilians who go on board can see the world.
He was brought aboard the carrier to fix some equipment . Took him on just off shore . A few days later he said his job was finished , everything was squared away ! Please take me ashore . Can't do that now , too far from shore , we'll let you know.
A few days later they said let's go . we'll take you ashore now.
Landed at the airport where official types asked for his papers . At this British airport ! He had nothing , no passport , nothing ! But nobody told me !

 

An oldie but a goodie - and a classic.

Your Boot camp Company Commander asks the bunch of you if you would like to go to a "PARTY"
~All of you scream "HELL YEAH!" and he says "Good"

"You will all be part of a working party, since you volunteered..."

Your entire Company then goes out to shovel snow in the winter at Great Lakes RTC Illinois in sub zero weather.

 

And that's why you go to boot camp in San Diego!

 

~ I didn't dare - it was where I signed up, and I would surely have escaped.

1) They gave me a set of all black clothes, and good leather boots.
2) There was a train station right outside the fence.
~This was on my mind the first three weeks
It's a wonder I didn't disappear from Illinois


Shucks! I was trying for Orlando....
In my young mind back then, the way I saw it was that they had SOUTHERN GIRLS in Florida

 

San Diego, "Worm Island" where the Navy maggots were separated from the Marine maggots by a cyclone fence, and the wrath could be very severe for talking to them or them to you....You just don't know what you missed out on!

 

On which side of the fence?

I did my job, and so did they.
The ones that went down the drain are still ordinary

No matter which way you went, you got separated from normal people, and made better - you were taught that you could do more than you realized

And that is what separates a military guy of any branch from normal people.

We dared to get handed a wall of crap, and had to climb it. If you got to the other side of that wall - you learned a lot about yourself.

Ain't that so?


Now I have heard a lot of crap about military people being told to get a real JOB.

But if you can't pass that first test - you are not the "CUT ABOVE" that a military guy or girl is

 

Didn't really matter. We had a D.I. try to climb the fence and come after us one day...Our CC intervened, but we spent a week with toothbrushes cleaning the grinder when we weren't running with rifles over our heads...

 

To this day I wonder why a smart guy doesn't choose a better tool for the job. But that's logistics for you.

When "LIGHTHOUSE FOR THE BLIND" supplies your fluorescent tubes - you know you have trouble coming...

~just saying~

I was alerted from the beginning that one of the NAVY mottos was to "WORK WITH WHAT YOU HAVE GOT", and it didn't take me long to figure out we were screwed

"CREATIVE LOGISTICS" ( the art and skill of piracy) was the thing I realized quickly I had to learn - especially on NIGHT SHIFT

Some of the rules had to break - but discreetly


Of course - the advantage of working at night was that there was no traffic against you when you drove home

~But you don't get "OBSERVED" constantly, so your evals are lame

I didn't care about that. My job as I saw it was to be a good tech


To be "NIGHT SHIFT" meant more to me than to be a collateral duty commando


I was talking to a lot of veterans in Escondido at the time - and what they told me is that the only thing they cared about was: "ARE YOU GOOD at WHAT YOU DO?"

~And I chose to honor them in that

I could care a rats behind about anyone who made rate on evals alone, if they did not know their job



It's unfair in a lot of ways - but whoopee ding!


And you had to consider this: You might become the best electronics tech anyone has ever seen - but once you make E6 they want to turn you into something else: a manager

Which is a completely different skill


NO corporation on earth that expects to make money would waste a man like that!
If YOU ARE GOOD AT IT - you should STICK with it
***end rant***