San Diego boot camp, what a primo location in the 70's...sun, sand, ocean, hot chicks.
I just couldn't see much of it through the fence. But being in the Drum and Bugle company we could skip some of the grind and go march at the Charger's games. Chili dogs, soda, hot chicks...and Football!

The Cowboy

A cowboy, who just moved to Wyoming from Texas , walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud.
He sits in the back of the room drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.."
The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is an Airborne Ranger, the other is a Navy Seal, both serving overseas somewhere.
When we all left our home in Texas , we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we drank together.
So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.
The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs.
All the regulars take notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowboy looks puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my brothers though...."

 

~Not military related, but I recently got invited to attend services at a Baptist church that a fellow Ford Festiva owner goes to. He told me that just about everyone who attends that church carries a gun and has a concealed permit, and added:

"We'll bring you to God one way or another..."

 

An American soldier serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines. He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog.

The war weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?" The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people. Can't you see my little Fifi is using that seat?"

The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired." The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"

The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.

An English gentleman sitting across the aisle spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bitch out of the window..."

 

Old warning but still useful:

"Aim towards the Enemy."
--Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
--US Army

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."
--USAF Ammo Troop

"If the enemy is in range, so are you."
--Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."
--US Army Magazine of Preventive Maintenance

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."
--US Air Force Manual

"Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo."
--Infantry Journal, Avoiding Superior Forces

"Tracers work both ways."
--US Army Ordnance

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds."
--Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."
--Col. David Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush."
--Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."
--Joe Gay, USA (Ret)

"Any ship can be a minesweeper.....once."
--Anonymous

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."
--Army Recruit

"Don't draw fire - it irritates the people around you."
--Your Buddies

"If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him."
--Ordnance Sergeant

===

Don't Mess with a First Sergeant

Two privates were always getting into trouble. One day, while being marched up and down the drill field by their first sergeant as punishment for yet another infraction, the three came upon a lantern. One of the privates pick up the lantern and rubs it. A Genie pops out. "I will give you each one wish; that's three wishes total," says the Genie.

The first private says, "I want to be back in my warm dry barracks room, surrounded by beautiful women with all the pizza and beer I can handle. *POOF* the first private disappears.

The second private says, "Good idea!" I want to be there also." Looking at the First Sergeant, the private adds, "and surround our room with a large wall, so we can't be bothered by sergeants!" *POOF* the second private disappears.

The First Sergeant says, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall." The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 150 feet high, 50 feet thick and nothing can get in or out." First Sergeant says "Fill it up with water."

=

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."
"What do you mean?"said the pirate, "I feel fine."
"What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before."
"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now."
"Well, ok, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?"
"We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."
"What about that eye patch?"
"Oh, one day wewere at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I looked up and one of them
crapped in my eye."
"You're kidding," said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from some bird crap."
"It was my first day with the hook."

 

OMG!! how true that is, shovels?? they gave us brooms!!

 

#ad




A successful ambush results in:
1 Divorce
1 Less wise-ass E-3 at the E-club
~and~
No reduction in your eventual retirement fund
​